Nursing the Nation

Nursing the Nation follows district nurses on their rounds visiting different homes across the country, creating intimate, affectionate portraits of their diverse patients and their inspiring ability to grasp life in the face of adversity.  From babies being born, teenagers coming to terms with disabilities, parents with sick children to the elderly and dying – district nurses are on hand to help them cope whilst bringing a glimmer of hope to their lives.

This factual series travels across Britain featuring some of the most beautiful and remote places in the UK to inner-city housing estates, spanning a wide cross-section of the population to follow these nurses as they go about their daily routines. On air at 8.30pm from 3^rd January to 14^th February this prime time T.V. series is sponsored by St Andrew’s First Aid Training and Supplies Limited. 

St Andrew’s First Aid Training and Supplies is proud to sponsor this excellent series which highlights the need for basic first aid skills throughout its duration. If you are watching the series and want to learn first aid or indeed need to refresh that First Aid Kit, then visit our web site and make that purchase today. You never know when you might be called on to help save a life!

www.firstaid.org.uk

 

Teams

Who's in your team? Most of us would immediately list our colleagues, maybe our line manager, possibly even one or two 'exdended' members of other teams that we work closely with. The concept of teams is well documented and the impact of changes in teams is also covered well in literature. What is often missing is what it feels like to be in a team that works well or worse one that is clearly disfunctional. My view of teams is that they should never be too clearly defined. What I mean by that is the more you 'ring fence' or define teams the more you have the potential for building barriers. Asking memebrs of other teams to join in meetings or presenting information that could be useful to our own team will help build strong working relationships. Don't be too precious about who is 'in' and who is not, just keep things fluid and as open as possibel. Teams are in my view organic and need to breath so putting restriction on them is counterproductive. Enjoy and celerbate the differneces and challenge everyone to rethink how they interact with those on the edges of the core.

Getting the balance right

Having come back to work after the Christmas and New Year break I was amazed by how many people seemed to be dreading the idea of being back at work. People moaned about the need to return to a routine of getting up early and missing out on late night movies, not being able to over eat and generally seemed to be annoyed at the idea of working for a living. A few more stoic characters (me included) were ready and willing to get going. The gap between me and the moaners seemed huge and it made me stop and wonder if maybe I had got it wrong. I asked myself why was I so keen to be back to work, didn’t I enjoy the holiday, was it that I didn’t like my own company or that of my friends and family or was it that I am a workaholic and was missing my ‘fix’?
To answer these questions with an open and honest mind is difficult, after all if I answer in the negative to any of them it could imply that I have made mistakes, taken wrong turns in life and made bad decisions. No one really likes to admit if they are wrong, but as a coach I have to be prepared to be honest with myself otherwise I can’t be honest with my clients. So, I looked long and hard at my life, what made it good, where were there things I needed to change, what did I want to improve. This was not just a New Year’s resolution approach; no I took my life in segments and began to ask basic questions about what I wanted to keep and what I wanted to change.
So, I looked at my mental, physical, emotional and social aspects first. Mentally I’m a calm individual and pretty tough. I’ve not had issues in this area of my life so far and am happy, so no need to meddle. Physically I am active but I know I could do a bit more, so the treadmill has been dusted off and I’m working my way back into running on a regular basis: I might even go back to Toronto and do another 5k in their fabulous marathon. Emotionally I am very lucky as I have a wonderful husband so is also a great listener and saves me from myself – he is my coach and keeps me sane. My social life is good, not too busy but with writing and singing and a great circle of friends I am fortunate to be where I am in life.
Other aspects that I don’t place much store by include the spiritual and the symbolic – I say that because I feel the other aspects above are more important, but everyone is different so if you are giving your life a quick MOT, you may choose to include these or other aspects to review.
Going back to why I was happy to be back at work while others didn’t seem as keen took on a new and different meaning once I gave my life a little more perspective. I had genuinely missed the satisfaction I get from working, I wanted to get back into a routine again and I wanted to meet up with my fellow singers and writers to share our troubles and woos. It was a good exercise to do, one I often recommend to my coachees but hadn’t practiced myself for a while. Getting the balance right in life is never easy, but when you do it can make great things happen.

Self Belief

Self belief is an important factor in achievement and satisfaction. Believing in oneself is perhaps a prerequisite to success in any field. We all have competing internal voices; the one which is upbeat and positive which reminds you of your achievements, talents and abilities. The other internal voice normally casts doubt and questions your abilities. In all aspects of life, I believe we always have a choice of which voice to listen to. Hearing only the positive voice and acting on that alone may push you towards being arrogant so it is healthy to ‘hear’ the doubting voice on occasion; to give you a sense of balance and perspective. Listening to yourself and being honest is not easy. Often we push away thoughts that challenge our thinking or our view of who we are because it is difficult to face up to who we really are. Internal voices will challenge you to make a choice between the successful, high achieving self and the failing, under-achiever that can exist within all of us.
Making a choice to stay positive in the face of difficulties and challenges is always tough because we need to pull on our inner reserves of mental strength to get through. It is when times are tough that I like to remind myself that no matter how strong I am, I can be stronger by remembering that loved ones, family and friends can help me. Friends can make me laugh, I can shed a tear with my partner because it okay for him to see me vulnerable and I can count on family to create enough distractions to keep me occupied with all sorts of matters.
Self belief takes all forms, and it is worth remembering that to get to the point that you believe in yourself you have had to convince others to believe in your too. Think about that for a minute; people have employed you, they have asked your advice, asked for support, sought out your company, maybe set up in business with you. Whatever it is that people around you share with you it is because they see in you a person that is attractive, has something good to offer and has confidence. Remembering these things can bolster your self esteem especially when, like now the world is going through tough times. Remember confidence is the key factor in achieving something – if you believe you can; you will!

Doing better things

Some of you will already know that my working philosophy is to ‘do better things’. This statement comes from the Levels of Learning theory. In a similar way that Mazlow captured the notion of the hierarchy of needs, the idea behind levels of learning is a progressive approach to improvements. The first level is about ‘doing’; doing anything in a manner that is unfocused and unclear. This approach to work, or indeed to life will deliver poor results, low attainment levels and poor satisfaction.
Move up a level to ‘doing things well’ and instantly the impact is one of improved achievement and satisfaction. Doing a job well gives the doer and those around an increased sense of ability and no doubt pride. So if ‘a job’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well’ is your kind of thing then creating just a little more focus to your day to day activities will reap rewards.
But why stop there? Why not push things on to the next level and ‘do things better’? The idea is simple; you take a long hard look at what you do and how you do it and ask if there is a better way to approach things. Could you improve how things are done? If so you will have achieved that illusive goal of improvement. If you apply this thinking across a whole department of a team then you are into continuous improvement thinking which is so essential in any workplace.
No doubt with a continuous improvement cycle firmly embedded and things being done to a better standard it feels like the team are really motoring and achievements come naturally. At this point it would be easy to rest on one laurels but the theory of Levels of Learning requires a little extra push to get to ‘doing better things’.
‘Doing better things’ means taking a fresh approach to your thinking and to your practices. It challenges you to think about why you have adopted a particular approach, whether this approach is still relevant and whether there is a better way that you should now adopt. In organisational terms you might implement a 5S programme and soon discover that the benefits first gained are being lost to time consuming reviews. Moving to Kaizen might be a better use of skills, knowledge and time. On a personal level changing your routine might have a dramatic effect on your health, just swapping one unhealthy item for a piece of fruit will still make a difference to your health over time.
Doing better things is not easy, it is a challenge but one worth going for. Take the Kaizen approach to it and take one small step at a time. Focus on one area of your work or your life and challenge yourself to find a better way of doing that thing!

Etiquette – is for everyone

I recently visited an office where several staff were eating lunch at their desks. Nothing too unusual about that, except the smell from one of the lunch boxes had everyone apologising for the aroma that filled the air: everyone that is except the person eating from the offending box.
This type of behaviour typifies a loss of standards in the workplace that I have noticed. Another problem area for many office personnel is the increasing trend towards wearing what I refer to as ‘beach wear’. This style of dress is fine for out and about or indeed at the beach but I find exposed tummy areas, with tattoos, plunging necklines, casual shoes and combat trousers don’t inspire confidence. If a person can’t dress appropriately for work it sends to me a message that they don’t care.
It is hard to get the balance right in work but a little thought can make a big difference. Before opening a window or turning on the air conditioning, ask others if they don’t mind. If you borrow an item make sure you return it. Say please and thank you more often, share treats now an then and think about what you are saying so as not to cause offense.
E-mail can be a major trap for ‘breaking rules’, too many people use bold, or UPPER CASE in e-mails and don’t realise that this is viewed by the reader as shouting and rude.
I am guilty too of not always being on the ball when it comes to behaving in the correct way at work, but I try to be aware and if I do spot a mistake I try to correct it by apologising. No one is perfect but a little effort goes a long way in making life just that little bit brighter.

Letter to Andy Murray

Dear Andy, what a fantastic role model you are! I watched every stroke, every thud and every twist of the ball while you played the most fabulous tennis at Wimbledon this year. The result, a growing pride that you are the person you are and a sneaky wee feeling that next year you will grasp that trophy. It's a funny thing that sometimes the things we want seem to elude us but often its just a matter of time. The trick I've found it to remind myself just how fabulous I am - not a great Scottish trait I know but with a bit of practice even we can manage a bit of self stroking. I know you're probably thinking that you didn't achieve what you wanted but stop a minute, remind yourself of your outstanding achievements to date and then if you have even the slightest bit of doubt take a look at the TV footage of the kids in Paisley a few weeks back when you visited. I think you will agree that the look of complete joy and pride on their faces at seeing their hero is a brilliant reminder that you are a world class athlete with nothing but success in your future. Need to sign off now, keep laughing - it's a great remedy for all that ails you!
Best
Mary

One Small Step

Often our dreams stay just that - dreams. Sometimes is is because it is fun to just day dream, other times it is because our dreams seem too difficult or complex to achieve. If you have a dream that you would like to turn into reality then you need to take action to move forward. By doing this you a
First focus on your dream - make it as real as it is possible to make - if you want to be a TV presenter, imagine yourself reading the news, or presenting that children's programme. Really see yourself in a studio with cameras and all of the trappings of a TV show.
Next check out your current reality. What experience and qualifications do you have that will help you towards your dream? Be your own 'critical friend' and check that you have what it takes. If not, then your next step is to gain better experience or top up your qualifications.
Now you can start to take other steps - let people know about your dream, talk about it, tell people why you want it and how much it would mean to you.
By doing this you are getting ready to make your dream come true - it may take time but if it is worth doing you will keep at it.
Remember one small step each day towards your dream can help make it a reality.

Catch me doing something right.

A friend recently started a new job and in the first week had been given an informal induction by an assortment of his new colleagues. There was no formal local induction into the role although there was a corporate process which luckily he had managed to catch a few months before as part of a part time role he held. As a mature individual (yes over 50!) he was keen to settle into this new post quickly so that he could add value to the organisation and begin to enjoy making a difference. It came as a bit of a surprise then that the most valuable bits of information that came his way all came to him via informal discussions or as a result of his own questioning.
One of the most interesting things that emerged from the informal induction was that the unit manager had a very strict dress code but he had never actually passed this piece of information on. My friend ‘discovered’ this information after witnessing the manager telling another colleague not to return to the unit wearing the clothes he had turned up in. It was an embarrassing moment for all concerned and one that could so easily have been avoided by simply telling people what was acceptable to wear and what was not.
The incident raises more troubling issue – what other information has not been passed on to employees? This lack of communication sends critical messages to employees that managers prefer to catch people doing things wrong, rather than the more nurturing and supportive approach of catching people doing things right! Praise and recognition in the workplace is an essential component to good management and goes a long way to make up for any other employment deficiencies that we may face.
I think it is time that as managers of people we all look harder to find people doing things right and giving praise where it is due.

Andy Murray - a new approach?

I, like many others, watched with expectation the Andy Murray tennis match hoping that this time he would pull off the win and slam result it appears everyone is waiting for. So the disappointment that was felt by the crowd could surely only be topped by Andy’s own response. For me the match seemed dogged by a negative vibe that spoke louder than any words ever could. The question that pops into my head is why doesn’t Andy have the tools at his disposal to counter the obvious pressures he faces and rebalance his thinking towards a more proactive and positive result?
Thinking about the way we manage our day to day stresses and how people in the public eye have to deal with the additional issues of media and public expectations it is understandable difficult to always be positive and upbeat. The physical demands of a long tennis match only add to the complexities, however, others manage to deal with all of these issues. Andy needs a new approach; he needs to break the cycle of negative thinking before it grips him – that might be before he even appears on court.
No amount of positive thinking will ultimately make things happen that are not meant to be so my tips for Andy in helping him move forward are of course to stay positive but also to try the following:
• Live in the moment – each moment is precious so use it well
• Make positive choices – don’t let one mistake put you off your stride, keep going and keep moving forward
• Smile – it’s a much under used and under estimate tool and is more powerful than you might imagine
• Relax – easy to say I know but laughing at yourself and keeping upbeat changes you physically and mentally, so have fun!
I for one would be happy to help to see Andy fulfil his dream and that of so many others.

Is Attitude Everything?

If, as I once read that my actions today determine my success tomorrow, then I should be set for a very successful future. Before we get started let me give you a small example of how I apply the above theory on a very practical level. When driving around town looking for a parking space or searching for the set of lost keys for the umpteenth time, try changing the way you think about the problem. So instead of saying I wish I could find a parking space/my lost keys etc say instead 'I am finding a car parking space/my lost keys.' Try it, even for fun and you will see how it can change the way you live your life.
Once you have tried this simple change to your thinking you have already started to tackle the underlying issue that can prevent us from moving forward; our attitude. More precisely our attitude towards ourselves and the level of control we have over what happens to us. Changing your attitude could change you life. If you find that you go around wishing for new things to happen or for something exciting to take place you need to rethink your attitude. Try focusing on what you want to achieve, then start to talk about it as if it is happening. Change the script you use and see how differently people respond to you. Instead of 'I'd love to buy a house' try 'I'm saving up for a deposit on my first home'. The next step in this example is obvious - you need to set up a savings account and deposit some cash on a regular basis, even a few pounds will make a big difference over time and watching the balance grow might spur you into greater actions!
Changing how you express what you are doing or what you want can be a big step forward in helping to reframe your attitude and the perceptions of those around you. So go on change the way you talk - your inner voice as much as the external one other people can hear and you will find that making positive changes comes naturally.

Be Your Own Coach

Imagine that for every tricky situation that you had to face you had access to a specialist who could give you the best possible advice and bolster your fragile emotions so that you could take on any challenge with ease and composure! Sounds like a fine idea and a very useful way to go through life; accessing expertise and building your self esteem. Well what if I said you can have all of this and it doesn't need to cost you a small fortune. Of course you could go for the magic wand or quick fix approaches but these don't tend to last very long. What I want to give you is the ability to sustain over a lifetime the ability to achieve all of your goals without hurting anyone else in the process, become a fulfiled and happier person.
How? Well we need to start with some basics - have a life goal or two (personaliy I have three, one for fun, that's to have my Crime Novel published and two serious - but still fun!)
Rule 1: Knowing what you want is the first step to getting it.
Next have a plan. Take steps to achieve your goals no matter how small.
Rule 2: Do something every day that takes you closer to achieving your goal.
Create the environment for success by telling people about your goals, let your ideas float freely into the atmosphere - it's amazing what comes back to you.
Rule 3: Promote yourself and your ideas to everyone possible.
Take yourself seriously. Imagine you have achieved success - what does it feel like, how do you like it? Make up a mantra and repeat it often - here's mine "I am my own alchemical magician."
Rule 4: Believe in yourself, and give your self permission to succeed.
Be honest with youself and everyone around you. If you need help, ask, if you need to learn, do so.
Rule 6: Be happy with who you are and smart enough to know when to get support
I hope you like my 'rules'. These are the basics for a successful and happy way of living and creating your own internal coach. Practice these rules and the negative voices inside your head and your heart will soon deminish.

Moving from wanting to doing

How often have you chatted with a friend or colleague about wanting to do something different or new. How often has that conversation led to a feeling of frustration and even hopelessness. It's human nature to want and anyone who has looked at human behaviour knows about Mazlow's hierarchy of needs and the diference between need and want. Moving forward in life is often fraught with difficulties to overcome and blockages to shift before wants or needs can be satisfied. But how do we move from wanting something to doing it - really putting into action those things that you really want to achieve. The first step is being crystal clear about what you actually want. Knowing and understanding what you want will make it easier to get there. I often describe this as 'getting on the bus' - you wouldn't nornally jump on the first bus that comes along. Normally you would know your destination, find which bus will take you there and get on the RIGHT bus!
Your journey through life is similiar, know where you want to go and you can determine the right bus to catch.
The next step is being aware - of people, opportunities and ideas that can move you forward to achieve you goals. Tell people about your plans, share your ideas and listen to see what new opportunites present themselves to help you move forward. Remember if this step is not working for you it is s SIGNAL to you to do something else. Sometimes a small chang ein behaviour or activity is the key to makeing things happen around you.
The next and crucial step is to be flexible - you need to keep in mind that you might have to change direction several times before you get what you want. Think about that bus journey I mentioned earlier. Imagine you want to travel from Aberdeen to London. It might take three or four changes in your journey before you get to your final destination but if you are flexible and can achieve what you wanted. In fact this zig zag journey may be more enriching than taking the straight route from A to B. In real life the things we value most are those we have striven to attain, achieved in the face of adversity and gained through our own efforts.

Engaging Staff

It can be difficult to keep staff informed of the key drivers within your organisation and good communication is basis of making sure people understand their contribution to a shared goal. Here are some tips to help you improve the way you communicate with your people:
1. Communication needs to be a two way process so make sure you have a method that allows people to comment, ask questions and make suggestions on a regular basis
2. Measure how successful you are at communicating - you probably measure other aspects of your business and communication is vital to success so measuring how well you are doing is important so that you can improve
3. Use lots of different ways to communicate - verbal, team briefs, newletters, electronic messages, internal blogs, social networks (where appropriate) notice boards, posters and so on ...
4. Give leaders and managers a platform for communication - I've always found that a team briefing process works well, it shows a commitment to inform people, gives managers an opportunity to use a structured process to communicate and there is a regularity to team briefing that establishes an expectation among staff that they will be informed about the organisational goals
5. Encourage everyone to be part of the communication process - rotate the chair in meetings, get people involved by asking someone to keep time or take notes, try to sandwich good and bad news and always try to end on a positive, even if that is only to thank people for participating.
Good Luck!

Review your Company's Communications

We all know that attending meetings can take up a lot of our time and that often we don't seem to have enough time during the day to prepare properly for all of these meetings. If you are increasingly finding that you are taking paperwork home to read or comment on because day time activites are overloaded then it is probably time to review your internal communications. Most organisations have a pattern to them that we often ignore or just don't recognise. This pattern detemines many of the meetings that need to take place. Think about it; near the year end, budgets need to be prepared and analysed. Planning strategic objectives is normally an annual event and is closely linked to budget setting. Other activities such as performance reviews tend to pop up on a regular six month cycle and project and team meetings will be more frequent.
So now we begin to see a pattern of communication emerge. Look further and consider e-mail, telephone and other regular contact such as visual displays (notice boards, white boards etc) and a multi layer approach to communication starts to emerge. Mapping out these communications and prioritising those you need to participate in will help control your time and your diary. Once you have mapped out and prioritised your overall communications you can then begin to rationalise and focus your approach.
Make sure you think about why the meeting/communication is needed, how frequent this needs to be, the style (formal/informal)of communication and the audience - who should be involved. Once you have mapped this out your diary will only be filled with the things you really need to do and you can take back some time to yourself!

The Elephant in the Room

Or, beating about the bush as my mother would have said. It is often difficult to address an issue directly because we fear the reaction that others may have to the subject being raised. This fear can lead us to ignore problems or live in hope that these problems will go away. A 'do nothing' strategy can of course, be useful if there is a chance that the problem will resolve itself, however, for other issues we really do need to confront and contain. This does not need to cause distress to yourself or to other people. In fact if worked through well, confronting problems can make the team and team working more productive. Stating your case and giving other people the opportunity to state theirs is a good stating point. From here a discussion can begin around why an issue is a 'problem' for some and how it might be resolved. In real life we often forget to ask others how we impact on them or take time to observe the affect we have on others. We are all busy with complex lives and so don't see that how we work or what we say can have a negative affect on those around us. Being self aware is an important attribute and we should all try to develop this while working to support colleagues to do the same. Getting into the habit at team meetings of asking if there are any 'Elephants in the Room' that need to be addressed can be one way of tackling niggling issues. Remember if you do adopt this approach don't let it become an opportunity for people to cause distress but make it a positive opportunity for discussion and progress. Remeber to keep personal issues for private discussion and don't use team meetings to expose individuals to the criticism of others.

What Motivates You?

Motivation is concerned with why people behave the way they do. In the workplace motivation is normally focused on performance and controlling or directing people to work more effectively. Why people do what they do is a question that dates back centuries and has challenged managers everywhere to find ways to help people engage in their work to produce better results. There are a number of key thinkers that have produced theories of motivation: Maslow created the hierarchy of need, Macgregor gave us X Y theory and more recently there have been a whole range on personality 'tests' like Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) developed to help in the understanding of what makes people do what they do.
All of these theories and tools have a place in detemining what makes people tick and how this key determinant will affect how they act and interact with others, perform a particular role or conduct a task. Making use of such tools is one way in which managers can seek the best ways to motivate their teams - knowing what makes each person energised to pursue a goal or objective should make it easier to find incentives to move that individual forward and keep moving them towards new goals.
The difficultly many people encounter is that the systems used by organisations to set goals and objectives does not allow for highly individualised goals or objectives. When goals become too broad or too narrow they either become too general to have meaning or are so focused that only a few people will engage with them. To motivate people we need to find solutions that are flexible while supporting the broader organisational goals. A combination of very personalised goals with broader over-arching objectives for the team will help. So too will each manager's ability to listen to each individual in his/her team and help create challenges that the person really will want to achieve. It takes time to Understand and to Value each person's motivations but to do so will bring about excellent team communication, more collegiate working and a better appreciation that we are all different in our needs and wants.

The Critical Friend

Throughout our lives we build and rebuild our own map of reality. This map is made up of stories, experiences and incidents that have made us who we are. Our map is a place of familiarity and in many ways it keeps us safe from the rest of the world. The problem with our maps is that they tend not to have a control or regulatory button to check whether what the map says is true or not. We may develop our map in isolation and if we are not open to some kind of 'reality check' our map could potentially lead us down the wrong route. This process of reality checking is where it can be useful to have Critical Friend; someone your trust and someone who is experienced in giving feedback that is both positive but challenging. A Critical Friend may be your partner, a work colleague, a coach, or even your boss! Whoever you choose to use as your Critical Friend there are a few things you need to consider.
First make sure the person your want to use in this capacity is emotionally strong (or emotionally intelligent) - you do not want someone who cannot address complex and challenging issues without falling apart!
Next, consider why you want this particular person to act as your Critical Friend, what is it you admire about them, what will they bring to you that someone else cannot?
Think about what you want from this relationship and how it will work. Consider your Critical Friend and what their needs might be.
Finally think about how long this relationship will last. A true Critical Friend could be someone that you keep in touch with for many years so choose carefully.
Next blog will be on motivation!

Make me Assertive

Assertive? Aggressive? Quitely confident? Down right abrupt? All of these are comments we are familiar with and likely to hear in our workplace. But what is assertive and how do you become assertive? One defination quoted in Tosey and Gregory's Dictionary of Personal Development (2002) suggests assertiveness is 'a person's ability to act in his or her best interests, understanding what he or she needs or wants, and appropriately seeking the necessary gratification with out undue anxiety.' That's all very well but what does it mean in real life situations where we can often find expressing ourselves difficult.
It is clear that the ability to express our needs in a clear and articulate manner is linked to how we feel about ourselves at that moment and is also directly linked to our self esteem. So assertiveness is person and situation specific. In effect being assertive is about being able to say what you are thinking or feeling with due respect and regard for those around you. Making your point at the expense of others is moving towards aggressive behaviour.
Learning how to be assertive requires many things:
listening skills
the ability to understand and control your own emotions
an ability to articulate what you want to say making use of language that is not threatening
being very aware and taking regard of other people's feelings.
Phew! A lot to do if you are to genuinely be assertive. Thankfully I've a few tips to help.
First - no matter what the situation, clarify before you respond. Take a minute to ask what is expected of you (even if you know what you want to say) that way to 'buy' a little bit of time to form the words you will speak.
Second - speak slowly so that you can also listen to yourself and watch the reactions of others - this will allow you to moderate what you are saying if necessary.
Third - have a stock of key phrases you can use to help you become assertive!
This last part is essential as it will help you not be assertive without worrying too much. This idea is based on the old adage 'practice makes perfect'. If you are able to call on a few positive phrases to help state what you want then you are half way there. Here's an example "I understand that you are not the manager and are not able to make this decision, however, I do expect that you can make a note of my complaint. So if you would be so kind..."
The key words here are 'understand' - which creates empathy with the other person, 'however' - which suggests that you are not satisfied and more is to follow, and 'so' which is where you state what you want to happen next! In the example above it could be to call the manager, pass on your compaint or get him/her on the phone.
So being assertive takes practice, patience and careful consideration.
Next time I'll be blogging about the Critical Friend!

Unblocking the inflexible individual

We have all come across someone who is fixed in their views and is more likely to answer no than yes when asked if something can be done. This type of person can be infuriating to work with and can cause tensions in teams. So what do you do? Ignore them or pander to their behaviour? What you do is important because it will set a pattern for a long time that can be hard to break. People who are inflexible can tend to dismiss new ideas, focus on details (to thwart the discussion of bigger and more important topics)may hold grudges and can have fixed ideas or closed minds. The key to working alongside this type of person is to get them on side and to unblock their negative perceptions.
Sounds great but how do you achieve this? Well, first you need to invest time in listening to them - get them to open up about a particular situation, take notes and paraphrase them if needed to ensure you have a clear picture of what they are thinking. Ask them questions and give them time to show off - this will allow you to see where they are correct in their thinking and where the thinking has become corrupted by prejudice or misunderstanding. Do not challenge them directly at this point. Next you need to rebuild the picture of the situation this time ensuring that they see you as an expert - try to avoid negative words such as but. The idea is to form an alliance to resolve the situation.
You need to get the inflexible person to come up with solutions and possible ways out of the situation, ask lots of 'what if' questions as they do to point out the advantages and disadvantages of each solution. If you have a preferred option it may be possible to introduce this as a hypothetical solution upon which you seek their views!
You need to get commitment to action for the situation to change so ask for details (this is something the inflexible person should like) about how an option would work in practice, how would they contribute to this option and when would this option be put in place.
The inflexible person can be afraid of change, fear failure or prefer to know exactly what is to happen and when. This knowledge is central to you helping to move them on. In summary, you need to listen to their side of the 'story', build up your relationship so that you can work together, get the inflexible person to identify options for the way forward, get them to make commitment to actions and don't forget to follow through and evaluate the results.
Next time I'll be blogging about being assertive.