Be Your Own Coach

Imagine that for every tricky situation that you had to face you had access to a specialist who could give you the best possible advice and bolster your fragile emotions so that you could take on any challenge with ease and composure! Sounds like a fine idea and a very useful way to go through life; accessing expertise and building your self esteem. Well what if I said you can have all of this and it doesn't need to cost you a small fortune. Of course you could go for the magic wand or quick fix approaches but these don't tend to last very long. What I want to give you is the ability to sustain over a lifetime the ability to achieve all of your goals without hurting anyone else in the process, become a fulfiled and happier person.
How? Well we need to start with some basics - have a life goal or two (personaliy I have three, one for fun, that's to have my Crime Novel published and two serious - but still fun!)
Rule 1: Knowing what you want is the first step to getting it.
Next have a plan. Take steps to achieve your goals no matter how small.
Rule 2: Do something every day that takes you closer to achieving your goal.
Create the environment for success by telling people about your goals, let your ideas float freely into the atmosphere - it's amazing what comes back to you.
Rule 3: Promote yourself and your ideas to everyone possible.
Take yourself seriously. Imagine you have achieved success - what does it feel like, how do you like it? Make up a mantra and repeat it often - here's mine "I am my own alchemical magician."
Rule 4: Believe in yourself, and give your self permission to succeed.
Be honest with youself and everyone around you. If you need help, ask, if you need to learn, do so.
Rule 6: Be happy with who you are and smart enough to know when to get support
I hope you like my 'rules'. These are the basics for a successful and happy way of living and creating your own internal coach. Practice these rules and the negative voices inside your head and your heart will soon deminish.

Moving from wanting to doing

How often have you chatted with a friend or colleague about wanting to do something different or new. How often has that conversation led to a feeling of frustration and even hopelessness. It's human nature to want and anyone who has looked at human behaviour knows about Mazlow's hierarchy of needs and the diference between need and want. Moving forward in life is often fraught with difficulties to overcome and blockages to shift before wants or needs can be satisfied. But how do we move from wanting something to doing it - really putting into action those things that you really want to achieve. The first step is being crystal clear about what you actually want. Knowing and understanding what you want will make it easier to get there. I often describe this as 'getting on the bus' - you wouldn't nornally jump on the first bus that comes along. Normally you would know your destination, find which bus will take you there and get on the RIGHT bus!
Your journey through life is similiar, know where you want to go and you can determine the right bus to catch.
The next step is being aware - of people, opportunities and ideas that can move you forward to achieve you goals. Tell people about your plans, share your ideas and listen to see what new opportunites present themselves to help you move forward. Remember if this step is not working for you it is s SIGNAL to you to do something else. Sometimes a small chang ein behaviour or activity is the key to makeing things happen around you.
The next and crucial step is to be flexible - you need to keep in mind that you might have to change direction several times before you get what you want. Think about that bus journey I mentioned earlier. Imagine you want to travel from Aberdeen to London. It might take three or four changes in your journey before you get to your final destination but if you are flexible and can achieve what you wanted. In fact this zig zag journey may be more enriching than taking the straight route from A to B. In real life the things we value most are those we have striven to attain, achieved in the face of adversity and gained through our own efforts.

Engaging Staff

It can be difficult to keep staff informed of the key drivers within your organisation and good communication is basis of making sure people understand their contribution to a shared goal. Here are some tips to help you improve the way you communicate with your people:
1. Communication needs to be a two way process so make sure you have a method that allows people to comment, ask questions and make suggestions on a regular basis
2. Measure how successful you are at communicating - you probably measure other aspects of your business and communication is vital to success so measuring how well you are doing is important so that you can improve
3. Use lots of different ways to communicate - verbal, team briefs, newletters, electronic messages, internal blogs, social networks (where appropriate) notice boards, posters and so on ...
4. Give leaders and managers a platform for communication - I've always found that a team briefing process works well, it shows a commitment to inform people, gives managers an opportunity to use a structured process to communicate and there is a regularity to team briefing that establishes an expectation among staff that they will be informed about the organisational goals
5. Encourage everyone to be part of the communication process - rotate the chair in meetings, get people involved by asking someone to keep time or take notes, try to sandwich good and bad news and always try to end on a positive, even if that is only to thank people for participating.
Good Luck!

Review your Company's Communications

We all know that attending meetings can take up a lot of our time and that often we don't seem to have enough time during the day to prepare properly for all of these meetings. If you are increasingly finding that you are taking paperwork home to read or comment on because day time activites are overloaded then it is probably time to review your internal communications. Most organisations have a pattern to them that we often ignore or just don't recognise. This pattern detemines many of the meetings that need to take place. Think about it; near the year end, budgets need to be prepared and analysed. Planning strategic objectives is normally an annual event and is closely linked to budget setting. Other activities such as performance reviews tend to pop up on a regular six month cycle and project and team meetings will be more frequent.
So now we begin to see a pattern of communication emerge. Look further and consider e-mail, telephone and other regular contact such as visual displays (notice boards, white boards etc) and a multi layer approach to communication starts to emerge. Mapping out these communications and prioritising those you need to participate in will help control your time and your diary. Once you have mapped out and prioritised your overall communications you can then begin to rationalise and focus your approach.
Make sure you think about why the meeting/communication is needed, how frequent this needs to be, the style (formal/informal)of communication and the audience - who should be involved. Once you have mapped this out your diary will only be filled with the things you really need to do and you can take back some time to yourself!

The Elephant in the Room

Or, beating about the bush as my mother would have said. It is often difficult to address an issue directly because we fear the reaction that others may have to the subject being raised. This fear can lead us to ignore problems or live in hope that these problems will go away. A 'do nothing' strategy can of course, be useful if there is a chance that the problem will resolve itself, however, for other issues we really do need to confront and contain. This does not need to cause distress to yourself or to other people. In fact if worked through well, confronting problems can make the team and team working more productive. Stating your case and giving other people the opportunity to state theirs is a good stating point. From here a discussion can begin around why an issue is a 'problem' for some and how it might be resolved. In real life we often forget to ask others how we impact on them or take time to observe the affect we have on others. We are all busy with complex lives and so don't see that how we work or what we say can have a negative affect on those around us. Being self aware is an important attribute and we should all try to develop this while working to support colleagues to do the same. Getting into the habit at team meetings of asking if there are any 'Elephants in the Room' that need to be addressed can be one way of tackling niggling issues. Remember if you do adopt this approach don't let it become an opportunity for people to cause distress but make it a positive opportunity for discussion and progress. Remeber to keep personal issues for private discussion and don't use team meetings to expose individuals to the criticism of others.

What Motivates You?

Motivation is concerned with why people behave the way they do. In the workplace motivation is normally focused on performance and controlling or directing people to work more effectively. Why people do what they do is a question that dates back centuries and has challenged managers everywhere to find ways to help people engage in their work to produce better results. There are a number of key thinkers that have produced theories of motivation: Maslow created the hierarchy of need, Macgregor gave us X Y theory and more recently there have been a whole range on personality 'tests' like Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) developed to help in the understanding of what makes people do what they do.
All of these theories and tools have a place in detemining what makes people tick and how this key determinant will affect how they act and interact with others, perform a particular role or conduct a task. Making use of such tools is one way in which managers can seek the best ways to motivate their teams - knowing what makes each person energised to pursue a goal or objective should make it easier to find incentives to move that individual forward and keep moving them towards new goals.
The difficultly many people encounter is that the systems used by organisations to set goals and objectives does not allow for highly individualised goals or objectives. When goals become too broad or too narrow they either become too general to have meaning or are so focused that only a few people will engage with them. To motivate people we need to find solutions that are flexible while supporting the broader organisational goals. A combination of very personalised goals with broader over-arching objectives for the team will help. So too will each manager's ability to listen to each individual in his/her team and help create challenges that the person really will want to achieve. It takes time to Understand and to Value each person's motivations but to do so will bring about excellent team communication, more collegiate working and a better appreciation that we are all different in our needs and wants.

The Critical Friend

Throughout our lives we build and rebuild our own map of reality. This map is made up of stories, experiences and incidents that have made us who we are. Our map is a place of familiarity and in many ways it keeps us safe from the rest of the world. The problem with our maps is that they tend not to have a control or regulatory button to check whether what the map says is true or not. We may develop our map in isolation and if we are not open to some kind of 'reality check' our map could potentially lead us down the wrong route. This process of reality checking is where it can be useful to have Critical Friend; someone your trust and someone who is experienced in giving feedback that is both positive but challenging. A Critical Friend may be your partner, a work colleague, a coach, or even your boss! Whoever you choose to use as your Critical Friend there are a few things you need to consider.
First make sure the person your want to use in this capacity is emotionally strong (or emotionally intelligent) - you do not want someone who cannot address complex and challenging issues without falling apart!
Next, consider why you want this particular person to act as your Critical Friend, what is it you admire about them, what will they bring to you that someone else cannot?
Think about what you want from this relationship and how it will work. Consider your Critical Friend and what their needs might be.
Finally think about how long this relationship will last. A true Critical Friend could be someone that you keep in touch with for many years so choose carefully.
Next blog will be on motivation!

Make me Assertive

Assertive? Aggressive? Quitely confident? Down right abrupt? All of these are comments we are familiar with and likely to hear in our workplace. But what is assertive and how do you become assertive? One defination quoted in Tosey and Gregory's Dictionary of Personal Development (2002) suggests assertiveness is 'a person's ability to act in his or her best interests, understanding what he or she needs or wants, and appropriately seeking the necessary gratification with out undue anxiety.' That's all very well but what does it mean in real life situations where we can often find expressing ourselves difficult.
It is clear that the ability to express our needs in a clear and articulate manner is linked to how we feel about ourselves at that moment and is also directly linked to our self esteem. So assertiveness is person and situation specific. In effect being assertive is about being able to say what you are thinking or feeling with due respect and regard for those around you. Making your point at the expense of others is moving towards aggressive behaviour.
Learning how to be assertive requires many things:
listening skills
the ability to understand and control your own emotions
an ability to articulate what you want to say making use of language that is not threatening
being very aware and taking regard of other people's feelings.
Phew! A lot to do if you are to genuinely be assertive. Thankfully I've a few tips to help.
First - no matter what the situation, clarify before you respond. Take a minute to ask what is expected of you (even if you know what you want to say) that way to 'buy' a little bit of time to form the words you will speak.
Second - speak slowly so that you can also listen to yourself and watch the reactions of others - this will allow you to moderate what you are saying if necessary.
Third - have a stock of key phrases you can use to help you become assertive!
This last part is essential as it will help you not be assertive without worrying too much. This idea is based on the old adage 'practice makes perfect'. If you are able to call on a few positive phrases to help state what you want then you are half way there. Here's an example "I understand that you are not the manager and are not able to make this decision, however, I do expect that you can make a note of my complaint. So if you would be so kind..."
The key words here are 'understand' - which creates empathy with the other person, 'however' - which suggests that you are not satisfied and more is to follow, and 'so' which is where you state what you want to happen next! In the example above it could be to call the manager, pass on your compaint or get him/her on the phone.
So being assertive takes practice, patience and careful consideration.
Next time I'll be blogging about the Critical Friend!

Unblocking the inflexible individual

We have all come across someone who is fixed in their views and is more likely to answer no than yes when asked if something can be done. This type of person can be infuriating to work with and can cause tensions in teams. So what do you do? Ignore them or pander to their behaviour? What you do is important because it will set a pattern for a long time that can be hard to break. People who are inflexible can tend to dismiss new ideas, focus on details (to thwart the discussion of bigger and more important topics)may hold grudges and can have fixed ideas or closed minds. The key to working alongside this type of person is to get them on side and to unblock their negative perceptions.
Sounds great but how do you achieve this? Well, first you need to invest time in listening to them - get them to open up about a particular situation, take notes and paraphrase them if needed to ensure you have a clear picture of what they are thinking. Ask them questions and give them time to show off - this will allow you to see where they are correct in their thinking and where the thinking has become corrupted by prejudice or misunderstanding. Do not challenge them directly at this point. Next you need to rebuild the picture of the situation this time ensuring that they see you as an expert - try to avoid negative words such as but. The idea is to form an alliance to resolve the situation.
You need to get the inflexible person to come up with solutions and possible ways out of the situation, ask lots of 'what if' questions as they do to point out the advantages and disadvantages of each solution. If you have a preferred option it may be possible to introduce this as a hypothetical solution upon which you seek their views!
You need to get commitment to action for the situation to change so ask for details (this is something the inflexible person should like) about how an option would work in practice, how would they contribute to this option and when would this option be put in place.
The inflexible person can be afraid of change, fear failure or prefer to know exactly what is to happen and when. This knowledge is central to you helping to move them on. In summary, you need to listen to their side of the 'story', build up your relationship so that you can work together, get the inflexible person to identify options for the way forward, get them to make commitment to actions and don't forget to follow through and evaluate the results.
Next time I'll be blogging about being assertive.

Beat the Bully

Any information given here is meant to help and is not intended as a substitute for professional support or advice.

It could be at school, at work, and sadly sometimes in our own homes where we might encounter bad behaviour. How to manage this can be difficult and challenging. There are common traits that emerge when you look more closely at bad behaviour and these traits can help us to deal with it when confronted by unacceptable behaviour. People who are bullies may themselves be experiencing some sort of bullying behaviour in another part of their life - this could be current or in their past. Regardless this is not an excuse for how they are behaving and it should not prevent you from taking action to protect yourself against the bully. Bullying behaviour can present itself in a number of ways - insensitive to the needs of others, competitive attitude that must win no matter what, controlling or domineering actions are all bullying behaviours. What we need to do is recognise these traits and stand up to them - challenge the behaviour. The aim is to make sure that in the future your interactions with the bully move from control to collaboration through helping the bully to learn new ways of gaining reward. First you need to get their attention and their respect by making it clear you know what they are doing and that it is unacceptable to you. You need to verbalise this while making direct eye contact (don't stare, just look them in the eye!).Use the bully's name and keep using it while you make it clear that the bullying is going to stop. Say what you need to say as many times as you need - don't let them shout you down. Keep summarising what you expect to happen in the future - "Michael, in future when we work together we will discuss our plans and we will not raise our voices or throw things around the room. We will agree actions that both of us can and will undertake." (Using the bully's full name can add impact).
You need to engage the bully in your challenge, they need to be asked what they expect and what you expect in the future. Keep your voice clear and strong. Assume you will be successful in the conversation and stay calm throughout the challenge. Rememnber to summarise what has been said, what has been agreed and if you need to put this 'agreement' in writing.
Stay positive and keep on track during this challenge. It is easy to get sidetracked so perhaps you might want to make notes so you can refer to what you need to say and what you want to happen in the future.
Key things to remember - speak clearly, use the bully's name - often, be specific about what needs change, don't let the bully interrupt you shout you down. Take a deep breath before you start your conversation and keep breathing slowly to stay calm.
Next time I'll be blogging about people who are very inflexible in their attitudes and how to unblock them!

Ethical Downsizing

When it comes to making people redundant it is always difficult to make this a positive experience, and the feelings of guilt (for those who remain in jobs) and anxiety of those losing jobs is very real. A good employer will make concrete plans to make sure anyone leaving the business does so in as positive a manner as possible. Afterall, ex-employees have a voice and can help retain your company's good reputation or ruin it dependant upon how they feel they have been treated.
So how can you approach downsizing in a positve manner? Well if after all efforts have been made to retain staff and the only way forward is job loses you need to think about how to exit people with enough support to help them move on. So, how about their CV, assuming they have one, is it up to date, fresh and attractive to potential employers? What about Interview Skills - how long has it been since these people were interviewed in a competitive environment? And what about the job market -where do people begin to look for work. Options other than work also need to be explored, what about self employment, partnership ventures with colleagues in the same situation, part time or voluntary work? These and many other options are valid and need to be explored so that people have a clear plan of action, with the skills and tools they needs to best determine how to spend their time while retaining their self esteem and confidence.
There are many other consideration for people changing the way they work and good practical advice on financial plans, working patterns and changes in their personal circumstances will all play a part. As a good, ethical employer, your task is to provide the supports that will help people reframe their thinking and see redundancy as an opportunity and not as the last exit to nothingness. You have invested cold hard cash training people, developing their skills and in return your business has benefited. Now that you have to downsize keep this investment philosophy going and help each individual to redesign their future by downsizing ethically.
Next time I'll be blogging about bad behaviour (with a focus on the bully) and how to manage it!

The lonely leader

Leadership is a much used term and there are many courses, books and seminars available to people who wish or need to develop skills in this area. The problem with many of these activities is that too often the focus is on management and leadership theory, with too little emphasis on the practical problems that leaders face. I an often engaged by senior people to work through issues related to critical decisions that will impact of large numbers of people. As an MBA graduate the creation of strategies and assessing the risk of adopting new strategies is reasonably straightforward. This is also true of people at the top of their game. What is more difficult to capture and why leadership is often a very lonely place is the leader's ability to find a support mechanism to talk through strategic change and risk, that is truly safe. A safe place is a confidential place, it is non judgemental, its motivations are transparent and it is a place where a leader can find perspective without fear.
Picture this, you as a senior executive, need to make a decision that will result in job losses. You and you alone are responsible for the decsion. It's tough and you need to move forward. How are you to live with the knowledge that by agreeing to a particular approach many people will lose their jobs? The stress of this decision is difficult to manage and to show stress at work could be seen as a weakness. Thankfully there are things you as a leader can do to help. First take a step back and understand that this decision has been created by a set of circumstances, not all of which are or were within your control. So, take a deep breath and feel some of the stress flow out of your body. Next, you need to focus on the good that will come out of the decision - jobs saved is one such good thing. Keep focusing on the positive and keep breathing deeply.
Now that a little perspective is beginning to take shape you need to look at where you sit in the decision making tree. How did the need to reduce staff numbers come about? Who was involved in this discussion? What data has been used to calculate the reduction? What are the benefits to those left behind? Asking these questions will help gain insight and give perspective, helping you to realise that no matter how tough a decision is, it is rare that it is based on isolated events. That means you should not isolate yourself or take on too much of the stress related to this or other decisions. What you need is to create a safe place to talk through issues and decisions. Talking out a problem with someone who can listen and help find focus and clarity will help bring you back to perspective, work ethically and be more human in your approach to decsion making. A metor or coach is the ideal 'safe' place to start this journey and reduce the potential isolation that leadership can bring.
Next time I'll be blogging about how to downsize in an ethical manner!

Change Happens

Change happens - it's how you deal with it that counts. There's a saying that life is what happens when you are making plans. So how do we deal with change? First we need to remember that there are different types of change - big fat shocking events that can be life changing, slow creeping change that goes unnoticed for some time until you can perceive a real difference. For me there are two other very important factors - is the change imposed or self imposed? The level of imposition is, for me, critical in the ability of an individual or a team to adapt and commit to a new process, set of circumstances or behaviour. Before we look at the change process or change journey as it is often referred to, I want to talk a little about imposed and self imposed change.
If I decide I want to lose weight or get fit by starting a new exercise programme I am likely to embark on a new approach to eating and exercise that is focused on my goals and I am likely to stick to my plans so that I see some results. On the other hand, if after a visit to my Doctor I am told to drop a few pounds and get more active I am more likely to see this as an imposed change which I may resent. This resentment can prove to be the difference in adapting to the changes required to my lifestyle. This might be sounding familiar. You can look at change from many view points, but for me in helping teams and individuals to manage change it nearly always comes down to the level of imposition. Low ownership of change usually means low levels of consultation and staff engagement. In a workplace change can often be imposed by those higher up the management ladder and often the consequences of change are not fully understood until they have been imposed.
So what's the anatomy of change? The change process is well documented: it starts with Shock, Denial, Acceptance (search for meaning) and finally Integration. Alongside this change route are a complex set of emotional and behavioural responses which can determine the timescale for each of the different phases of change.
Shock - is the body's way of coping and giving the brain time to assimilate and process information - the bigger the shock the longer it may take to comprehend what is happening.
Denial - is the step where we challenge the need to make a change. This is where we ask ourselves (and others) why the change is needed; we may react with anger and are bound to be emotionally charged in some way. This step is all about wanting to hold onto the familiar an querying the thinking behind the change.
Acceptance - is where you begin to let go of the past and is only able to be achieved once the emotion surrounding the change has been managed. This might take lot of working through the emotional responses to the change and often physical activity can help release endorphins to calm you down. In accepting the change you have sought and found some meaning and hopefully some benefits to what is happening.
Integration - is the final step where the change is now a reality and part of your new existance.
So change comes in differnent shapes and impacts us differently for example when I work with people who are facing redundancy or early retirement, understanding change and their reaction to it, is crucial.
Next time I'll be blogging about the lonely leader!

Work Life Balance

The Faulkner life balance map is a well known and often used method to help individuals refocus to create a more fulfilling, healthier and happier life. The map is based on the idea that practice and integration of small changes can transform your life. John Faulkner's map has 6 key areas or 'containers of life' which he suggests you need to fill in order to achieve a harmonised way of living. The key is making each of these 'containers' work together - the better the work together the more success you can achieve.
So the containers are: Mental, Physical, Emotional, Social, Spiritual and Symbolic. But what do they mean?
Well, broadly speaking - Mental is the ability to use your brain for both logical, rational planning activities as well as creative fun filled activities - Left and Right brain activity.
Physical - basically looking after your body! Doing a bit of cardio exercise, filling your body with the best foods and not junk, being able to relax and be strong.
Emotional - knowing yourself and facing your emotions. Learning that is is ok to be happy, sad, to love and be loved.
Social - belonging to a group, whether that is familiy, friends, work colleagues or other we all need to belong somewhere.
Spiritual - what you personally believe in and value. This is your sence of right and wrong and could link to a religion or a particular approach to life.
Symbolic - the things that inspire you to dream and achieve, stories, myths, people that are meaningful and inspiring to you.
To rebalance your life the idea is to draw 6 boxes or 'containers' on a plain sheet of paper and give each a label according to Faulkner's map. Now for each container mark a line to represent how full or empty that part of your life is. Focus on the one which is least full - this is the place to start to rebalance your life. So if the social container is lowest you need to start thinking about how to belong to a group - this could be doing voluntary work, joining a community group for the environment or your local church. The beauty of Faulkner's model is that he actively tries to make connections between the containers so that by taking action in one area you inevitably are achieving in another!
Let's imagine you've just changed jobs and are in a new city. Your old networks are more remote and your social life has definately taken a dip. Faulkner would suggest you look at what you like doing, see where there is a group that you might join and rebuild or 'fill' that container. So you like running, you join a local running group, make new friends, keep fit and feel better. Each container has been topped up in some way even if the immediate need was for social fulfilment.
Repeat this exercise every 6 months or so to keep you life in balance.
Next time I'll be blogging about understanding CHANGE.