Etiquette – is for everyone

I recently visited an office where several staff were eating lunch at their desks. Nothing too unusual about that, except the smell from one of the lunch boxes had everyone apologising for the aroma that filled the air: everyone that is except the person eating from the offending box.
This type of behaviour typifies a loss of standards in the workplace that I have noticed. Another problem area for many office personnel is the increasing trend towards wearing what I refer to as ‘beach wear’. This style of dress is fine for out and about or indeed at the beach but I find exposed tummy areas, with tattoos, plunging necklines, casual shoes and combat trousers don’t inspire confidence. If a person can’t dress appropriately for work it sends to me a message that they don’t care.
It is hard to get the balance right in work but a little thought can make a big difference. Before opening a window or turning on the air conditioning, ask others if they don’t mind. If you borrow an item make sure you return it. Say please and thank you more often, share treats now an then and think about what you are saying so as not to cause offense.
E-mail can be a major trap for ‘breaking rules’, too many people use bold, or UPPER CASE in e-mails and don’t realise that this is viewed by the reader as shouting and rude.
I am guilty too of not always being on the ball when it comes to behaving in the correct way at work, but I try to be aware and if I do spot a mistake I try to correct it by apologising. No one is perfect but a little effort goes a long way in making life just that little bit brighter.

Letter to Andy Murray

Dear Andy, what a fantastic role model you are! I watched every stroke, every thud and every twist of the ball while you played the most fabulous tennis at Wimbledon this year. The result, a growing pride that you are the person you are and a sneaky wee feeling that next year you will grasp that trophy. It's a funny thing that sometimes the things we want seem to elude us but often its just a matter of time. The trick I've found it to remind myself just how fabulous I am - not a great Scottish trait I know but with a bit of practice even we can manage a bit of self stroking. I know you're probably thinking that you didn't achieve what you wanted but stop a minute, remind yourself of your outstanding achievements to date and then if you have even the slightest bit of doubt take a look at the TV footage of the kids in Paisley a few weeks back when you visited. I think you will agree that the look of complete joy and pride on their faces at seeing their hero is a brilliant reminder that you are a world class athlete with nothing but success in your future. Need to sign off now, keep laughing - it's a great remedy for all that ails you!
Best
Mary

One Small Step

Often our dreams stay just that - dreams. Sometimes is is because it is fun to just day dream, other times it is because our dreams seem too difficult or complex to achieve. If you have a dream that you would like to turn into reality then you need to take action to move forward. By doing this you a
First focus on your dream - make it as real as it is possible to make - if you want to be a TV presenter, imagine yourself reading the news, or presenting that children's programme. Really see yourself in a studio with cameras and all of the trappings of a TV show.
Next check out your current reality. What experience and qualifications do you have that will help you towards your dream? Be your own 'critical friend' and check that you have what it takes. If not, then your next step is to gain better experience or top up your qualifications.
Now you can start to take other steps - let people know about your dream, talk about it, tell people why you want it and how much it would mean to you.
By doing this you are getting ready to make your dream come true - it may take time but if it is worth doing you will keep at it.
Remember one small step each day towards your dream can help make it a reality.

Catch me doing something right.

A friend recently started a new job and in the first week had been given an informal induction by an assortment of his new colleagues. There was no formal local induction into the role although there was a corporate process which luckily he had managed to catch a few months before as part of a part time role he held. As a mature individual (yes over 50!) he was keen to settle into this new post quickly so that he could add value to the organisation and begin to enjoy making a difference. It came as a bit of a surprise then that the most valuable bits of information that came his way all came to him via informal discussions or as a result of his own questioning.
One of the most interesting things that emerged from the informal induction was that the unit manager had a very strict dress code but he had never actually passed this piece of information on. My friend ‘discovered’ this information after witnessing the manager telling another colleague not to return to the unit wearing the clothes he had turned up in. It was an embarrassing moment for all concerned and one that could so easily have been avoided by simply telling people what was acceptable to wear and what was not.
The incident raises more troubling issue – what other information has not been passed on to employees? This lack of communication sends critical messages to employees that managers prefer to catch people doing things wrong, rather than the more nurturing and supportive approach of catching people doing things right! Praise and recognition in the workplace is an essential component to good management and goes a long way to make up for any other employment deficiencies that we may face.
I think it is time that as managers of people we all look harder to find people doing things right and giving praise where it is due.

Andy Murray - a new approach?

I, like many others, watched with expectation the Andy Murray tennis match hoping that this time he would pull off the win and slam result it appears everyone is waiting for. So the disappointment that was felt by the crowd could surely only be topped by Andy’s own response. For me the match seemed dogged by a negative vibe that spoke louder than any words ever could. The question that pops into my head is why doesn’t Andy have the tools at his disposal to counter the obvious pressures he faces and rebalance his thinking towards a more proactive and positive result?
Thinking about the way we manage our day to day stresses and how people in the public eye have to deal with the additional issues of media and public expectations it is understandable difficult to always be positive and upbeat. The physical demands of a long tennis match only add to the complexities, however, others manage to deal with all of these issues. Andy needs a new approach; he needs to break the cycle of negative thinking before it grips him – that might be before he even appears on court.
No amount of positive thinking will ultimately make things happen that are not meant to be so my tips for Andy in helping him move forward are of course to stay positive but also to try the following:
• Live in the moment – each moment is precious so use it well
• Make positive choices – don’t let one mistake put you off your stride, keep going and keep moving forward
• Smile – it’s a much under used and under estimate tool and is more powerful than you might imagine
• Relax – easy to say I know but laughing at yourself and keeping upbeat changes you physically and mentally, so have fun!
I for one would be happy to help to see Andy fulfil his dream and that of so many others.

Is Attitude Everything?

If, as I once read that my actions today determine my success tomorrow, then I should be set for a very successful future. Before we get started let me give you a small example of how I apply the above theory on a very practical level. When driving around town looking for a parking space or searching for the set of lost keys for the umpteenth time, try changing the way you think about the problem. So instead of saying I wish I could find a parking space/my lost keys etc say instead 'I am finding a car parking space/my lost keys.' Try it, even for fun and you will see how it can change the way you live your life.
Once you have tried this simple change to your thinking you have already started to tackle the underlying issue that can prevent us from moving forward; our attitude. More precisely our attitude towards ourselves and the level of control we have over what happens to us. Changing your attitude could change you life. If you find that you go around wishing for new things to happen or for something exciting to take place you need to rethink your attitude. Try focusing on what you want to achieve, then start to talk about it as if it is happening. Change the script you use and see how differently people respond to you. Instead of 'I'd love to buy a house' try 'I'm saving up for a deposit on my first home'. The next step in this example is obvious - you need to set up a savings account and deposit some cash on a regular basis, even a few pounds will make a big difference over time and watching the balance grow might spur you into greater actions!
Changing how you express what you are doing or what you want can be a big step forward in helping to reframe your attitude and the perceptions of those around you. So go on change the way you talk - your inner voice as much as the external one other people can hear and you will find that making positive changes comes naturally.

Be Your Own Coach

Imagine that for every tricky situation that you had to face you had access to a specialist who could give you the best possible advice and bolster your fragile emotions so that you could take on any challenge with ease and composure! Sounds like a fine idea and a very useful way to go through life; accessing expertise and building your self esteem. Well what if I said you can have all of this and it doesn't need to cost you a small fortune. Of course you could go for the magic wand or quick fix approaches but these don't tend to last very long. What I want to give you is the ability to sustain over a lifetime the ability to achieve all of your goals without hurting anyone else in the process, become a fulfiled and happier person.
How? Well we need to start with some basics - have a life goal or two (personaliy I have three, one for fun, that's to have my Crime Novel published and two serious - but still fun!)
Rule 1: Knowing what you want is the first step to getting it.
Next have a plan. Take steps to achieve your goals no matter how small.
Rule 2: Do something every day that takes you closer to achieving your goal.
Create the environment for success by telling people about your goals, let your ideas float freely into the atmosphere - it's amazing what comes back to you.
Rule 3: Promote yourself and your ideas to everyone possible.
Take yourself seriously. Imagine you have achieved success - what does it feel like, how do you like it? Make up a mantra and repeat it often - here's mine "I am my own alchemical magician."
Rule 4: Believe in yourself, and give your self permission to succeed.
Be honest with youself and everyone around you. If you need help, ask, if you need to learn, do so.
Rule 6: Be happy with who you are and smart enough to know when to get support
I hope you like my 'rules'. These are the basics for a successful and happy way of living and creating your own internal coach. Practice these rules and the negative voices inside your head and your heart will soon deminish.